Abah

'Abah' a name I no longer call except when reminisce the memory. Abah is no longer with us, physically, since 26 August 2006 at the age of 69 (just like Keluarga 69, one of P.Ramlee's movies - he's a fan even during the period he no longer could speak and see). There he is 'at home' surrounded by his ancestors who he grew up with and loved him dearly, and whom he never tired of telling us stories about them. There is where I go and visit Abah, but sadly, not as often as I would love to. To prove that, that's the last time I visited him - pagi Aidifitri pertama tahun 2008 selepas sembahyang raya. I'm not proud to admit this, but that's the truth.

Coming from a big simple family, we are not open for matters involving emotions/feeling or in other word we don't express our love to each other in words. We learnt to be independent and how to live in this world through our day to day activities. Also learn to determine what is good and what is not from younger days.

From him I learnt about people, to be specific about some typical Malay characters. His best friends were none Malays but Chinese and Singh (they also no longer here with us). Malays judged him by wealth (and whatever comes with it) and how often he was seen at the mosque (funny that some people assumed they are so 'beragama/alim and a good muslim' just because they perform prayers, go to mosque, perform umrah/haj etc till they have the right to judge other people's faith). He was not perfect, of course, but so does all of us. But he always there for his friends be it good times or bad, and so did they. He always brought stuff for us, his children, whenever he could. Seldom I heard him said, "Maaf, tak boleh tolong" whenever someone asked for help, but instead always "Boleh" - even though obviously impossible.

He didn't question me about my report cards (never was an issue for me to ask him to sign it even there're red marks). Another lesson that I learnt from him is believe in yourself and never bother about what people say about you. Life goes on and true friendship lasts forever, just like the phrase 'till death do us part'.

Despite we were not closed as how father-daughter relationship I always saw in TV, I do cry (most of the time) whenever I look at this photo or when I play a memory of him in my mind. As far as I can remember I never said "I love you" in whatever ways, in whatever language to him, but what I know for sure he was proud of me. Sad to realise that the one person who taught me important lessons of life was no longer here to hear me say "Terima kasih abah atas segalanya. Saya sayang abah". But I have no regret about that and I shall never will because deep down in my heart I know he knew that.